Love One Another With Brotherly Affection
by James Lincoln on October 29, 2006
In Romans 12:9 Paul begins to write about authentic love. Like authentic worship, love also has to do with becoming a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to the Lord. God so loved the world that he gave His only Son so that we could have eternal life. Agape love happens when the satisfaction and well being of another is more important to you than your own. It's without hypocrisy (9) because the hypocrite is more concerned with himself, his reputation and image then the well being of another. Jesus taught that there are two ways hypocrisy shows up. It shows up when we try to make ourselves appear to others as better than we really are (When you clean the outside of the cup but not the inside.) and it shows up when we try to appear better to ourselves than we really are - concealing our own sins - by pointing out the sins of others. The synagogue ruler covered up his enormous lack of zeal for compassion towards the woman Jesus healed by showing enormous zeal to finger her for breaking the Sabbath. He said, "Come back another day to be healed." We're hypocritical when we draw attention to the speck in another's eye to hide or cloak the log in our own eye.
However, when you drink in deep the tender mercies of God in Jesus and the Gospel, when you get so full and so satisfied of the grace of Jesus and the gospel it produces a kind of self forgetfulness. You get so grateful, fascinated and enamored by Jesus that your life begins to orbit around other things than making yourself appear better than you are you become more compassionate toward others and their failings. Agape love is a compassionate love because it comes from the truth that all of us have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. It's a love where God secures our safety, satisfaction and well being above his own.
Love and Morality
Now in v. 9 Paul begins to talk about love in ways we don't usually think of love. In verse nine he teaches us that authentic love is before anything else a commitment to doing that which is morally good to one another. Before he speaks of love as a feeling he speaks of it as a deep commitment to objective moral realities of good and evil. Real love happens when there is a commitment to do good to another person regardless of how we might feel. Look again to chapter 13:8. Real love does good to another.
Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. 9 For this, "You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet," and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." 10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor; love therefore is the fulfillment of the law.
Agape love is a commitment to doing good. It's not first a feeling of love. It's a steady act of the will. God doesn't want our love to be controlled or limited by our ever changing feelings for each other.
But even here Paul says that love isn't a stoic resolve to do the good and reject the evil. He calls us to hate what is evil and cling to what is good. These are the strongest words he could use. They call us to have an emotional commitment to loathe evil and cling to what is good. These are words of the heart. Merely trying our best to do the good and reject what is evil won't be enough. He's calling us to engage our hearts to hate evil or wickedness not just to reject it. The word to cling has to do with the attachment and ratification of covenant love. The Bible uses it most often for sexual intimacy or the deep emotional and continual ratification of the marriage vow. He means to make a covenant with your heart to do that which is good for another. It reminds me of Job who made a covenant with his eyes not to look (inappropriately) on a young maiden.
So, authentic love raises up objective, universal standards that tell us how real love actually shows up. If your feelings lead you to do things that aren't good for another they're not leading you to love. To say, "I love you." means that I am committed to doing good to you. And it means that I will hate to do evil to you and will make it my great joy and vow to do you good. All of this is regardless of how I feel at the moment. Jesus did not feel like going to the cross. On an emotional level he didn't want to be flogged and crucified. Yet, out of love, he did what would accomplish the most good and defeat evil. He hated evil and He loved and clung with covenant love to do the good. This is love. Love calls us to stir up the deepest intellectual and emotional commitment we can make to do good and defeat evil. It's an intense commitment to an objective moral reality. But Jesus' love went even further. He hated evil and he clung to what is good and HE ALSO LOVED US.
Christian love is more than a commitment to do good or even a passionate commitment to do good and reject evil. In verse 10 he calls us to express deep emotional love to each other. I love Paul's balance here. He folds together the stability of love's commitment to an objective and unalterable moral order. Love binds us or tethers us to the objective standards of morality (So we don't go around calling affairs, adultery, immorality, seduction or homosexuality love.) and then he adds that Christian love is a call to love each other with deep, tender, heart-felt, visceral and fervent affection. This call goes beyond choosing to do good to others or returning good for evil when offended. It is all of this. However, it's a call to more. Paul is commanding your heart and your affections here. "Love...with tender affection." Paul's first words show us that real agape love will triumph over our feelings and it must if it is to be the real thing. When you don't feel the warm fuzzies you should still do the loving thing or that which seeks the well being and joy of another. However, God doesn't want us to be an emotion-less, stoic, unmoved people. In addition to a steady directing of the will to do good to each other Paul calls us to tender, heartfelt affection for each other. All Christians are included here: the likable, unlikable, immature, mature, the one who disappointed you or offended you or frustrates you and perhaps the one who doesn't appreciate you and the one who has a different doctrinal outlook than you...He says "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love or affection..." or "Love one another with brotherly affection."
Let's study the words. Literally verse nine reads, "In brotherly love towards one another love warmly" Brotherly love is easy enough. We all know how brothers ought to love each other. It's not a sexual or romantic love. It's a love shared between those who are joined together and connected by common parents. This connection runs deeper than the emotions; it's as deep as D.N.A. It's a familial love. You are bound together by something much bigger than yourself and your own choosing. You don' choose your brothers. You love them anyway right? Brotherly love is not a love based on common interests and compatibilities. Younger brothers can be a pain and embarrassing. I know this; I am one.
"Tender Affections"
The second word Paul uses in verse nine is the rarest Greek word for "love" used in the New Testament. It's the combination of two words for love. Philo-storgos. It represents the kind of affection you would have for your favorite chair, old sweater or an old car like my old Toyota. I'm comfortable with it. I know it. I have a special fondness for it. When my girls were small they had a special fondness for their baby blankets. They carried those things everywhere and running the satin edges through their fingers. When we finally got rid of them there was only a patch of satin left. The word has to do with your favorite things - precious things - and how you feel about them. Peter writes, "Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart." (1Pe.1:22) It refers to loving deeply, tenderly from the heart. In Phil. 1:8 Paul writes, "How I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus." The word for affections there is the word, "guts" or "bowels." My love for you creates a visceral response. In 2Cor. 6:11-13, Paul writes, "...O Corinthians our heart is opened wide. You aren't restrained by us, but you are restrained in your own affections. Now in a like exchange I speak as to children - open [your hearts] wide to us also." Don't be closed off or shut down. Don't let your hearts shrink up into a stony ball because you have been hurt, wounded or disappointed. Don't let your heart become closed, impenetrable and callous. As you look at your neighbor, friend, spouse your pastor, Paul says, "Become so open hearted that you could drive a semi-truck through it."
The Holy Kiss
Can guess what is the most often repeated commandment in the New Testament? It may surprise you. It's first found in Rom.16:6 and it goes like this, "Greet one another with a holy kiss." Now we really don't know what to do with this. American culture doesn't find this a manly thing to be doing with other men. When I was running track in college, Mike Boit, the bronze medalist in the 800 meters in the 1972 Olympics was my teammate. Once we were warming up together at the Texas Relays. Now, Mike grew up in Kenya and had only been in the states a few months. As we were jogging along in the huge football stadium Mike reaches over and grabs my hand. He wanted to hold hands. It was perfectly innocent. In Kenya where he grew up "mates" held hands as they ran and played together. I had to tell Mike, "Look I love you like a brother but there is no way I'm going to hold your hand here in Texas Stadium." That was a difficult adjustment for Mike to make. We're a bit confused about how to show affection.
Peter and Paul say, "Greet one another with a holy kiss." This was and still is a Middle Eastern way to greeted each other. The command is found five times in the New Testament. Does a hand shake accomplish the same thing? Maybe a hug is closer to the idea? We know that our hemoglobin improves with each hug we receive. However we do it's a call to demonstrate and express in a physical way tender a deep affection for each other when we see each other. Neal sometimes lifts me off the ground. Bobby Warren kisses me. Rich often gives me a warm smile and a hand shake. Stan shakes my hand, gives me a hug and greets me with extraordinary enthusiasm. Different personalities will do this differently. Beloved, when you see each other greet one another with a physical and tangible expression of tender affection. This is good.
A Warning
Now, attached to this commandment is a serious warning. Notice that it's a holy kiss. Your affection for each other is never to cross the lines of holiness. The stories are legion of counselors, ministers and laymen who while showing affection have crossed the line of holiness and made a ruin of their lives. There are many ways for a kiss to be unholy. We can use affection to cover up doing others harm. Judas' kiss of betrayal was unholy. To say I love you and then stab that person in the back is an unholy kiss. The kiss of seduction is unholy. The kiss and touch of adultery in unholy. The kiss of homosexuality is unholy. When you hug each other another's person's private parts are off limits. That's unholy. There is a way to kiss and hug and touch that is holy, righteous, pure and good.
WHY?
Why is it so important that we love this way...with tender affection? When we treat each other with tender affection we are treating each other as God treats us. You are the body of Christ here on earth. It's through you and me that we come to feel the touch of Christ. God is spirit and Jesus is in heaven. We are his body on earth. We're the tangible expression of his presence on earth. Many have no one who will love them this way. Some doubt God's love for them because they see no tangible expression of his love. If you are blessed to have those in your life who love you this way then you are very blessed. But many don't have this blessing. I'm thinking of singles and especially the elderly. I remember a young man once saying to me with deep emotional hurt, "If I were God and I wanted people to believe that I was a God of love I would find a way to hug him. God doesn't hug me therefore there can't be a God. If he can't accomplish this simple act of love that I can know, how can God exist?" His heart was broken with unbelief because his heart was crying out for love and affection. In its absence he just couldn't believe in God.
So, I hugged him and invited him to my church. And in time he was hugged enough that he came to believe in God again. God has called his church for just that purpose...to show the love of Christ that has been shown to us. To treat each other with tender affection is a witness to the reality and truth of the family of God. To treat each other this way is to speak the truth. To feel indifferent toward each other or with little affection for each other contradicts who we are.
Second, the demonstration of tender affection to those we would otherwise ignore is a witness to the spiritual and supernatural nature of the church. You see the church is made up of people who may not have anything in common except their faith in Jesus. Can you imagine how difficult this was for Simon the zealot and Matthew the tax collector to feel tender affection for each other? If you think democrats and republicans have their differences they don't begin to touch the hostility that existed between Zealots and tax collectors. Zealots called tax collectors traitors. Today we would say, "Well Simon you go to the zealot church and Matthew you go to the civil servant church and we'll all get along." What about Jewish believers and Gentiles believers. In light of the history in the Middle East how easy do you think it was for them to show tender affection for each other? You must understand that the early church was not a sociological phenomenon as it is today where people come together around socio-economic, homogeneous, commonalities and personal compatibilities. It wasn't a psychic or sociological thing; it was a spiritual reality. People learned through much conflict to show love and affection for each in the face of enormous psychological, sociological and philosophical obstacles that would outside of the gospel were not crossable. If the church is a man made institution then let's just forge alliances out of sociological, psychological preferences and commonalities and hope that with so many commonalties we'll get along. But beloved the church isn't a man made thing. It's God's doing who does the impossible. He makes it possible for barren Sarah to have a son in her nineties. He makes it possible for a virgin to have a baby boy. He makes it possible for the sun to stand still. He's the God of the impossible who breaks down barriers that have kept people apart from the beginning. If he can make a zealot and a tax collector love each other deeply and a Jew and a Gentile love each other with tender affection don't you think the Holy Spirit can do the same in our day? What is impossible with man is possible with God. But have we lost our nerve and faith here? Is our love and faith going to be so weak that we give up on this?
Loving each other with tender affection in spite of our many differences is a witness to the power of the Gospel that reconciles and breaks down the very barriers that keep people apart. It's a witness to the Father's love for all His children. It's a witness to Jesus' joy over his bride. He calls you His bride and he loves you and rejoices over you as the bridegroom rejoices his bride. Our tender affection towards each other is a witness that there is One God and One Father and we are all His children of His tender mercies. When we show familial affection we are telling the truth about God as our Father and testifying to God's love for all of us and His power to reconcile enemies.
One last question, "Where does love like that come from?" Of course it originates in the love Christ has for us and gives us in the Holy Spirit. But there are realities of our faith that make this affection grow and flourish. You can see these realities at the end of Paul's letter in chapter 16:3-16
Rom 16:3-16
"Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, 4 who for my life risked their own necks, to whom not only do I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles; 5 also greet the church that is in their house. Greet Epaenetus, my beloved, who is the first convert to Christ from Asia. 6 Greet Mary, who has worked hard for you. 7 Greet Andronicus and Junias, my kinsmen, and my fellow prisoners, who are outstanding among the apostles, who also were in Christ before me. 8 Greet Ampliatus, my beloved in the Lord. 9 Greet Urbanus, our fellow worker in Christ, and Stachys my beloved. 10 Greet Apelles, the approved in Christ. Greet those who are of the household of Aristobulus. 11 Greet Herodion, my kinsman. Greet those of the household of Narcissus, who are in the Lord. 12 Greet Tryphaena and Tryphosa, workers in the Lord. Greet Persis the beloved, who has worked hard in the Lord. 13 Greet Rufus, a choice man in the Lord, also his mother and mine. 14 Greet Asyncritus, Phlegon, Hermes, Patrobas, Hermas and the brethren with them. 15 Greet Philologus and Julia, Nereus and his sister, and Olympas, and all the saints who are with them. 16 Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you." NAS
Where does Paul's great affection for these believers come from? Let me point out three of them from among many listed here. Look what he says about them.
1. They are the Beloved. Four times he calls them "beloved." They are beloved of God. If God loves other believers as His beloved ought we not to love each other with the same affection? His affection comes from knowing and acknowledging that other believers are the apple of God's eye and precious in His sight. We were all once enemies and bound for an icy hell in eternity and yet, God loved us and saved us from such an outcome. People who share a common experience of being rescued have an intensified affection for each other. The fact that the person next to you is God's beloved should move you to love them as well.
2. Hard work: When Paul thinks about several of these people he does so with deep affection because of their sacrifice of work. Mary worked hard for you or Urbanus our fellow worker (v.12), "Greet those workers in the Lord: Trypnaena and Tryphosa," "Greet the beloved Persis who has worked hard in the Lord." Your affections for each other grow as you work hard together in the gospel and the kingdom. If your love is cold or thin perhaps you need to roll up your sleeves and get to work together.
3. Suffering together produces affection: In verse seven he writes, "Greet Andronicus and Junia...my fellow prisoners." The hardest times can forge the deepest of friendships. There is a bond that runs deep between those who have suffered much together in a good cause. I think you see it behind the eyes of those who have been married a long time, who have suffered much and still love each other. You see it in families who have suffered the loss of a child or a spouse or those who have suffered the heartbreak of a rebellious and wayward child. There is an affection that can only come through suffering. Our culture is about avoiding as much suffering as possible. Relieving suffering is good. But you must know that there is a deep, tender affection that can only come through suffering. So, this affection which Paul is referring to doesn't come to us automatically. The Holy Spirit brings it to us through a shared faith and a common experience of being loved by God. It comes through the fellowship of hard work in the kingdom done together and in the fellowship of His sufferings.
This is how Jesus loves us. He calls us His beloved, His bride, the apple of His eye. He took the form of a servant and worked obediently even unto death so that we could be called the beloved and the fellowship of the forgiven. He suffered much to make us glad. This is the gospel. No one can ever love you like Jesus. So, as a witness to His great love, May the Lord make this place a witness to His great love for us.